Read on for some of the greasiest, crispiest, heart-stoppingest, and most delicious French Fries this city as to offer…

Ziggiz

Price $2.00

This Gramercy grease pit serves humongous orders of double-fried skin-on shoestrings that are the quintessential late night delicacy. Open until 3AM during the week and 5AM on weekends, NYC Food Guy implores you to get over there and try what I think are arguably the best fries in this entire city.

Virgil’s Real Barbecue

Trainwreck Fries ($10.50)

These are the most delicious cheese fries I’ve ever had. They’re covered in monterey jack, cheddar, crispy pieces of bacon, and sliced jalapenos. It’s served covered in some excellent buttermilk ranch dressing, but I order it on the side because I don’t like hot ranch dressing. I recommend you do the same. Served on a hot skillet, these fries are best when dipped in some ranch and then some ketchup. Go to Times Square, spend the money, and follow up with some of the best Banana Pudding I’ve ever eaten.

RUB

BBQ Chili Cheese Fries ($8.50)

These are the messiest and probably best chili cheese fries I’ve ever had. The medium cut, skin on fries are strong enough to hold the weight of the many chunks of tender brisket and glops of melted cheddar. I’m not usually a fan of this kind of generic melted cheese but it works in this case and is definitely worth the price.

Houston’s

Price $5

Houston’s is one of my favorite restaurants. It’s a chain so that may sound like a cop out, but they consistently put out excellent and delicious food. These fries are thin, crispy shoestrings dusted with salt and pepper. They’re irresistible. I have never once finished the serving next to my burger or ribs and not wanted more fries. I’ve always been scrounging for the crumbs and last little bits, they’re that good. Houston’s Burger, Ribs, Artichoke dip appetizer, and Warm 5-Nut Brownie Sundae are also amazing, each one good enough to warrant a spot on the plate of my last meal.

Pommes Frites

Regular $4 Large $6.25 Double $7.75 plus 34 sauces according to website

Delivering on their name, these fries are true to the Frites form. Thick cut and potatoey, they’re crisp on the outside, and hot and fluffy on the inside. Choose from one of what seems like a million sauces and you’re good to go. I had honey mustard and was pleased. The best thing about this place is that they’re open until 4AM on weekends making them a must stop after some East Village gallivanting.

Market Table

NYC Food Guy review

Price $7

Market Table is a swanky little spot, not the type of place you go to for just fries, but if you wanted to you could sit at the bar and munch on these crispy, seasoned bad boys. I’d ditch the cocktail sauce they serve them with and get some ketchup. These were crisp, potatoey, and overall perfect.

Telepan

NYC Food Guy Review

You’re looking at the “Volcano”. Use your imagination and you can see why. It’s a volcano of onion rings shooting flashes of deep-fried potato all over your plate. Fancier than Market Table, Telepan only serves their meals in a prix fixe form so ordering a volcano to go is not an option. Either way these fries were delicious. They were crispy and addictive. I think they were a little too small for optimum dipping but I would be as bold as to forgo the onion volcano in lieu of more fries.

The Spotted Pig

Price $7

Crisp and matchstick thin, these fries are addictive and plentiful. Rosemary is interspersed within this massive clump of fried potato, hindering full enjoyment. After all, I don’t want to eat leaves with my French Fries. Either way, you have to check this place out just to see what all the fuss is about. Burger purists beware, the famed burger comes with stinky, soft Roquefort cheese, something I can’t develop a taste for.

The Smith

Price $5

I ordered these fries well done and the kitchen delivered. I’d probably pass on that however when you order because these arrived so crispy the potato dried up and all I could taste was burnt fried. My friend ordered them normal however and although they’re quite standard, they were cooked perfectly and I’d consider them a fancy diner style fry.

The burger is served with crisp bacon, melted white cheddar, housemade pickles, lettuce, tomato, crispy shoestring french fries, and an onion ring “volcano”. At brunch, you also get a complimentary housemade bread basket with some delicious cakes including a damn tasty cinnamon muffin. As far as the burger goes, harmony of flavor was lacking. My overall thought was “charred and salty.” My first course, the Semolina Cream Crepes with sauteed butternut squash and brown sugar sauce, were delicious enough to save the meal.

Read on the find out what defines a fancypants burger and how something so well crafted fell flat…

Telepan Burger Breakdown…

Flame-broiled burger – packed tight, well-charred on the outside, and overly salted, my first reaction was surprise at the size of this patty. Once I sliced it in half and saw the glistening fat, I realized it was all for the sake of meat to bun ratio. And what it lacked in diameter it made up for in girth (Cue requisite “that’s what she said” jokes)…

… It was cooked to order and had a decent amount of fat in it making for a smooth, not overly beefy flavor. The thickness, however, resulted in the charred-beef flavor dominating each bite, the bacon and cheddar barely detectable. You couldn’t really taste any fire though, just char, and after the meal was done, the lingering flavor was the onion rings.

White Cheddar – well-melted and draped all over the patty, the cheese dripped over the sides and on to the plate and didn’t really make much flavor impact. It was fairly mild but did a nice job keeping the bacon attached to the burger.

Bacon – fresh and cooked through, slightly crispy but not well done. Flavorful but not an overbearing flavor, the charred beef really took over each bite.

Bun – Unimpressive. Comparable to a light Kaiser roll minus the graininess of the crust. The dough was airy but still managed to support the weight and juice of the burger patty.

Fries – Great fries, shoestring, crispy, and wafer like in consistency. The only drawback is that they weren’t great for dipping. The short length of each fry prevented a clean dip which is fine if you don’t mind ketchup on your thumbs and NYC Food Guy definitely does not.

Onion Ring “Volcano” – Named for it’s presentation, the rings were light, crispy, and delicious. They didn’t fall apart with each bite despite the near-tempura like delicacy of the batter. The onion also remained encased within the ring even when breaking it in half…

… I put a little bit of onion ring on the burger at one point but it was too bulky and crisp to really mesh with the small, firm patty. Believe it or not my initial reaction to the batter’s consistency was that it reminded me of a gourmet version of Munchos potato chips, it was that airy and light.

Where the burger went wrong…

In the end it came down to the dissonance of flavor that hurt the Telepan burger most. On their own each component of the burger was high quality and delicious but balance was lacking. The char flavor dominated and as good as everything else was, if the patty’s not kicking butt, the burger falls flat.

Everything else was excellent…

My first course was a very ornate and small pair of Semolina Cream Crepes covered in sauteed butternut squash, brown sugar sauce, and confectioner’s sugar. It saved the meal…

… The delicacy of the crepes combined with the richness of the semolina cream was in perfect harmony with the brown sugar sauce. The butternut squash was sweet and diced into such fine cubes they melted on my tongue and provided a nice textural quality. The brown sugar sauce was the champion of this dish, however, sweet but not painfully so, and possessing a slightly smoky flavor, I had to refrain from licking my plate clean. This is one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten. It’s only served on Saturday and Sunday’s brunch menu from 11:30am to 2:30pm.

My friend Chris ordered the Apple Sausage with poached egg, watercress, and duck proscuitto…

… I only had a little taste of the apple sausage and I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve never tasted any apple-flavored meat that possessed such a strong apple flavor, most likely Granny Smith. This sausage was crumbly, porky, and delicious and the tart flavor of the apple was undeniable. I didn’t taste the proscuitto but Chris raved about this dish and agreed that his first course also made the meal. I would still go with the Semolina Cream Crepes.

Mark Lewis ordered the Salad of Baby Lettuce with dry Monterey jack dressing and garlic-herb croutons. I regrettably didn’t taste it though it looked great. Mark called it “tremendous.”

Unfortunately, the most intriguing first course, Sheep’s Milk Ricotta Blintzes with dried fruit and honey compote, was unavailable. We were all pretty disappointed about that and after tasting the Semolina Cream Crepes, I’m sure the blintzes would also be spectacular.

Dessert was good but not nearly as great as the first courses…

For brunch, dessert is not included in the prix fixe. At this point in our meal we weren’t bothered. A sweet finish was necessary after the salty burger and fries.

First dessert was Cinnamon & Sugar dusted Apple Fritters with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce ($11). Very tasty but not a great dessert to share. Trying to slice into it and get a good ratio of ice cream in each bite, while leaving some for the others, was tough. All difficulty aside, this was damn tasty. Thin, sugary slices of apple were encased within the warm doughy fritters and the natural-tasting vanilla ice cream blended well, a little dip in the caramel sauce was necessary but turned this from a nice looking dessert to a mess almost immediately. But in the end, when is a clean dessert fun?

Our 2nd dessert was the Brandy Bread Pudding with brandied cherry ice cream and brandy sauce ($11). This was recommended to us by our waitress over the Crunchy Peanut Butter and Milk Chocolate Gianduja with peanut brittle ice cream and huckleberry gelee. Looking back, maybe we should have gone with our instincts and enjoyed some delicious milk chocolate Gianduja (made from chocolate and hazlenut paste) or ordered another Apple Fritter…

… The Brandy Bread Pudding was, despite its attractive presentation, tasty but nothing special. The brandy flavor was weak although the ice cream was quite delicious. The bread pudding arrived steaming hot but cooled down pretty quickly leaving us with a soggy lump of sweet mush in a pool of brandy sauce. I don’t think we even finished this dish.

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Telepan was one of the first upscale and trendy restaurants NYC Food Guy splurged on. The three of us each ended up spending around $50. I was fully prepared for this but can’t eat in that price range regularly. For those who can, Telepan would be a great place to take a special date or go to for a special occasion. The atmosphere is clean and crisp. I liked Telepan for the seriousness and attentiveness of the wait staff and the thoughtfulness of the dishes. Bill Telepan obviously has a great grasp of flavors, unfortunately this didn’t manifest with the burger. But from disappointment, surprise was born. The first courses were amazing and if I return to Telepan I will skip the burger all together and exploit the chef’s real culinary talent: strong, vibrant flavors hidden in delicate and carefully prepared receptacles.

Telepan